So let’s face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it’s fun to pretend
Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they’re all I have
So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation
And I fall, I fall, I falter
But I’ll find you before I drift away
Now you still speak of day old hate
Though your whole world has gone up into flames
And isn’t it great to find that you’re really worth nothing
And how safe it is to feel safe
So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation
And I fall, I fall, I falter
But I’ll find you before I drift away
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive
I listened to this song on repeat while writing a book several years ago. Now every time I hear it, I feel my stomach twist. I feel the glow of my laptop screen on my face and the darkness stretched out behind me; the cold of November outside my window. I remember the ghosts and the feeling of utter inadequacy. I never finished the book, but it still eats away at my heart.